There’s Gold Underneath that Silver

Eli, the priest who we’re introduced to in 1 Samuel, usually gets a bad rap. He’s remembered for not being a very good father. His sons abused their priestly inheritance and he refused to hold them accountable. He’s hardly the first father to be overly doting on his sons, but nonetheless, as he dies collapsing after hearing about the death of his sons and the loss of the Ark of the Covenant in the battle with the Philistines, we’re left the haunting image of a man who could have been so much more. He could have done so much more only if only he had been a little more courageous, a little more faithful, a little more brave. I was reminded of the quote by Graham Greene in his novel, The Power and the Glory, when the whiskey priest who’s about to die realizes too late how easy it would have been to be a saint. Greene writes:

“He felt only an immense disappointment because he had to go to God empty-handed, with nothing done at all. It seemed to him at that moment that it would have been quite easy to have been a saint. It would only have needed a little self-restraint and a little courage. He felt like someone who has missed happiness by seconds at an appointed place. He knew now that at the end there was only one thing that counted—to be a saint.”

For some reason, nothing is harder to live with than regret.

Yet, that wasn’t all of Eli’s story. In the chapter before his death, Eli welcomes a young Samual into the tabernacle as an apprentice and on the night of Samuel’s famous encounter with God, it’s Eli who teaches Samuel how to recognize the voice of God. For all of his failings, Eli did some good things. He trained Samuel. He secured the future of the tabernacle. While his own biological sons wouldn’t inherit the priestly calling from their father, Samuel would become Eli’s “son in the ministry.” Elijah had Elisha. Paul had Timothy and Titus. Eli had Samuel.

This is the story I think about when I hear a church planter or a new pastor talk about their churches or plants being filled with “old people.” I want to remind these young pastors (and yes, these days most every pastor is younger than me) there is a gold mine of wisdom, stories, warnings and answers to life’s greatest and hardest questions sitting in that congregation.

Few pastors take the time to sit down and listen to the stories of their senior adults. Too many pastors are overly sensitive to their criticisms to sit down and get to know –really know – their older members. The older members say the music is too loud. They will say they get tired standing up for repeated verses of choruses. They will say they don’t know any of the new choruses. Sometimes, they’re right. Not all of the time, but a lot of the time their complaints have merit.

If, however, the pastor can get behind the complaints to understand the reasons they feel the way they do, there’s usually a treasure worth finding. People sit in the same seat because there is a particular story that pew that makes that particular section of the sanctuary holy. “This is where I sat,” one widow told me,” the day after my husband died. Right here is where Jesus told me I was going to be all right. Every Sunday I come and sit here and He reminds me.”

The senior adults I’ve known have become some of my favorite people. Their stories give you an insight into life and what really matters in ways few other things can.

Sadly, the senior adults don’t know their own value. They assume the church is only concerned with younger people. They wonder if they have anything to offer. They have no idea how valuable their life experiences are. I tell senior adults to join a young adult Sunday School class or host of young adult Bible study.

Most of our young adults are trying to figure out marriage and they’ve never seen a healthy marriage. There is something about the quiet testimony of a couple that’s been married 45 years reminding young couples a lasting marriage is something that can be done. Too many of our young men are trying to be a father and they’ve never seen a father. Too many wives are trying to be good wives without ever having seen one.

In this day and time, it’s imperative for senior adults to circle back to the young adults in their churches and communities. Don’t wait for them to invite you to lunch. Ask them. Men, take the young husband out to coffee. Ladies, meet with young mothers and remind them that children grow up too fast. Old men should teach the young men. Senior women should teach the young women. Experienced married couples should encourage the newlyweds.

The good news of the gospel is that recreates the family structure. Young people are given people who love them and senior adults are given people to love. If you’re a senior adult, adopt a young adult. Become their counselor, mentor, friend. Share your stories. Give your wisdom. After all, wisdom just means we screwed up before they did.

If you’re a young person, find an older person or couple and adopt them. Ask them about their lives. Listen to their stories. Learn from them lessons they’ve spent a lifetime learning.

And learn for yourself, “There’s gold underneath that silver.”

This essay was first posted in Scot McKnight’s newsletter.